Slytherins' Crap Monsters
by Fearless
Summary: hhmmmm...new chapters!! YES!!! woohoo im so happy ff.n is up again. please ead and review or whatever you like to do.
1. The Crap monsters... AAAHHH chapter 1

Disclaimer…Nothing belongs to me yet

Disclaimer…Nothing belongs to me yet.. but I might make something up so you never know.. Anything unrecognizable is mine J 

Author's Note: Hey people if you read my story review even if you hate it I like flames just as much as nobody else does… actually flames are good… J 

Silently, ever so silently the cloaked figure walked around the room. Every so often he would pull something out of the pocket of hiss cloak and set it down silently, ever so silently. After doing all of this he headed towards the door pulled out a long thin piece of wood and whispered something softly, and with a twirl of his cloak he left. As the figure ran out the door he pulled over him what looked like a silvery sheet and then there was no more of him. 

Back in the Gryffindor common room three beings were still awake. One was a sandy haired boy who looked very skinny and very tired. Another was a boy with very dark eyes and shaggy black hair that seemed like he never brushed it. Then the last person in the room and possibly the least normal looking was a girl who was shorter than the boys by about a foot and a half and a lot younger looking. Her brilliant green eyes could be seen even in the dark. She had curly red hair that was pulled up into two pig tail buns on the crown of her head. Making her hair look just as messy as the boy she was sitting next to.

"You don't think he got caught do you Sirius?" Lily looked frightened. Being caught in one of their pranks was not a good thing. They had only let one person go so if they were caught the least amount of points would be taken from Gryffindor. The black messy haired kid gave her a smile that would send most people sliding to the ground, but it never had an impact on Lily.

"James, get caught, Lily you have got to be serious," Lily open her mouth to make some Sirius serious comment but decided better of it. "James is the best prankster here except us, the only reason we all got caught is because dummy head wormy couldn't keep his feet to himself." Sirius hated Peter Pettigrew, or Wormy, he thought there was something different about him. If the marauders weren't there to help him Sirius suspected he would go straight to the Slytherins. Suddenly from behind something grabbed Lily, she didn't even look around, all she did was kick back and kick back hard, she felt her leg connect with a rather private place and the person holding her immediately let go. She smiled when she saw there was no one there.

"Sorry James didn't no it was you, you shouldn't go sneaking up on people like that, it's not very nice!" James though was still not to be seen until Lily untied the cloak on him when she figured out where he was. Still lying on the ground holding himself. He looked almost identical to the black messy haired boy named Sirius except for two things. One there hair was different colors, James' was brown, and two, James' eyes were blue a grayish blue. He smiled and pulled Lily to the floor with a sudden clasp and jerk of her hand and wrestled with her. Sirius and the other boy, Remus looked on with keen interest as James and Lily pretended to fight each other.

Even though Lily was two years younger than all of them, they had excepted her for her excellent prank skills. The marauders, as they called themselves were the most popular boys in all of Hogwarts, even though they were only in their third year. All were on the quidditch team and all were very good. Although Lily was only in her first year at Hogwarts, she was one of the most popular girls in the school and the only first year Gryffindor girl. She also knew more about the castle then anyone in their seventh year.

"Well shall we go down to breakfast?" said a highly annoyed Lily who had just gotten up from being pinned to the ground. As they walked down to breakfast they started to smell a horrible stench coming from the great hall. Each of them had to try to wipe the identical smirks off their faces as they went into the hall. Every single Slytherin was in the Great Hall, and every single Slytherin had crap all over them.

"Potter," Lily said very silently, "What did you put in their common room last night? I thought you were just going to jinx Snape and Malfoy." James was about to answer when a disgusting trio of filth started to come over from the Slytherin table. Lily was barely able to control her laughter, and the rest of the Gryffindor table definitely was not able too either. Snape, Malfoy and Karkaroff were all covered in crap but also in scarlet and gold. They all had little fish that swam around their heads that sang Gryffindors rule on it. That was all for Sirius, he stood up and ran to the head table.

"Excuse me teachers but we Gryffindors are being attacked by Slytherins' Crap monsters of Doom!" He shouted this very loudly into the great hall so that everyone could hear. Dumbledore himself looked quite amused at the looks of the Slytherins. He being the headmaster could not laugh at them.

"Mr. Black do you have any idea how this could have happened?"

"No idea Mr. Headship sir."

"Very well than, all of the houses that have not been, er, dunged, may go to their classes, the rest of you may go to the showers to clean up." Seeing that they should go the marauders and Lily walked out of the Great Hall when someone yelled, "Hey Mudblood don't look now, but something's coming your way!" Lily turned just in time to see Snape turn his wand and whisper something. 

A/N: For all of those who have never read what I read… it will get crazier and more exciting but if people want it to not be exciting I will not make it exciting… and if I get 15 reviews I will continue… if I don't get 15 reviews I will still continue.   


  
  



	2. Darkwing Duck chapter2

Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize would probably not be mine… unless its insanely good…just kidding

Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize would probably not be mine… unless its insanely good…just kidding... :o)

Author's Note: WOW thanks for all of those who reviewed…. I was so amazed because usually I never get more than 10 reviews on anything… my other story The Marauders and the Exploding Flying Fish of Doom, it has around 5 chapters and only 11 reviews… one by yours truly…Thanks to all who reviewed you guys all get Kudos… the ones with little M and M's in them!! So where did I leave off…?

Lily spun around in surprise to see Severus Snape pointing his wand at her, but before she had time to react to the brilliant red sparks being shot at her someone or something jumped in front of her. That someone was a young girl no older than Lily. She had long raven hair that reached her waist but Lily could tell no more about her because her entire skin was covered in boils. The bright green boils were growing and growing, the girl simply stood up, took out her wand and fixed them. Every single person in the hall (including the people in the pictures) was staring at this girl. No one knew where she had come from, no one knew who she was. Then into the awkward silence, the girl spoke.

"Well, what do you think you were doing you dirty bloke? Trying to hit someone without them expectin' I believe. You nasty bit of crap covered filth!" She said this with a mean voice but Sirius sniggered at the last comment. The girl continued. "No need to tell me who you are, you must be a Slytherin, a stinky good for nothing Slytherin. Why I oughta…." Her voice ended, and soon everyone knew why. Into the corridor came Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall. McGonagall looked happy and mad at the same time, while Dumbledore still had the same twinkle in his eyes as before.

"Not fighting already are we Ms. Duck?" Dumbledore looked at the girl with a cheerful face that made 'Ms. Duck's' worries go away.

"Oh no, no, no, er, Professor Dumbledore sir, I was just talking to this charming girl when this Slytherin slimeball, oops, I mean…" Her voice faded once again. She was going to be kicked out again like she always was she had been kicked out of three different wizarding schools already. She was awakened out of her reverie by a voice, a loud voice coming from the small red headed girl next to her.

"Professor, it wasn't her fault, I swear, Snape and me don't, er, exactly like each other to well and he was trying to curse me when "Ms. Duck" jumped in and saved me." Lily said all of this really, really, fast. Dumbledore looked at all of them with a piercing stare that Lily felt went right through her like she was being x-rayed.

"Very well, Ms. Evans, Mr. Potter, Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black, and Mr. Pettigrew, please come to my office." Everyone looked at Peter, they had forgotten he was there. Lily looked at him, had he been there the entire time? Oh well. They followed Professor Dumbledore up to his office; well actually they followed Sirius. He had been to the Professors office so many times he could walk there in his sleep. When they got to the stone gargoyle, right before Dumbledore said the password Sirius opened the stone gargoyle because he said it first!

"Mr. Black," Dumbledore said, "I am afraid you almost know more about my study then I do!" After Dumbledore said that Sirius put on a fake announcer voice and started going "On your left there is Fawkes, a very beautiful plumage he has today..." 

Dumbledore cleared his throat loudly and everyone fell silent. "Now there is absolutely no way I can prove that it was you who did today's little fiasco, but I would like to ask you to not do it again. Also, Ms. Evans, you are the top person in every subject in your year, am I correct?" Lily turned almost as red as her hair and mumbled something. "I also know you know everything for second year too, and you're the only Gryffindor in your year. I would like to inform you that as of today you are a Gryffindor third year."

Everyone stared at Lily and Dumbledore. "He must be going crazy at his old age." Lily thought to herself. "Must have made a mistake he did."

"Oh I forgot, this is Ms. Gabriella Duck. She is new to the school and is going to be moved into the Gryffindor third year as well. It seems that we have no Gryffindor third year girls besides you two now. We must be running low on the Gryffindor sort." Dumbledore sighed his regrets about running low on the 'Gryffindor sort'. "So now I must ask you to run along to your doings. Since your class is almost over, I must ask you to get your things for your next class. James, Sirius, Remus, I expect you to make sure the girls get to where they are going!"

Silently, ever so silently, they walked out of the professor office. It seemed like they were avoiding conversation. No one talked as the black cat passed by to the right of them. No one spoke until Sirius said, "Well our next class is double potions with Slytherin, what a great class that will be!" Everyone started to laugh. Suddenly Sirius asked, "So Gabriella what brings you to Hogwarts?"

"Well first off I hate the name Gabriella, I like to be called Darkwing Duck, it's a nickname some of my muggle friends gave me… it's off of some TV show or something." Gabriella, or Darkwing Duck said this and Sirius started laughing. 

"Okay Darkwing." Sirius said quietly and walked off with her.

"Well." Remus said. " I think they like each other." Everyone hit him over the head, except for Peter who had mysteriously disappeared. (A/N: I hate Peter so there is very little of him in my stories!) 

"No...(Lily said a verbal nasty right here so fill in necessarily)… Sherlock. My we are rather daft today eh" with that they walked up to the common room still laughing their heads off. The laughter abruptly stopped after they gave the fat lady the password (Cranberry snippets) and walked into the common room.

Author's Note: Sorry about this cliffie, I haven't quite figured out what they are going to see yet… who knows it might be Snape snogging someone…that would be exceptionally gross… eeewww… definitely not that… Kudos to the reviewers... CIAO!!!


	3. In Dumbledore's office

Disclaimer: Pretty much nothing belongs to me… everything except the plot and insanity belong to everyone else… other fanfiction authors and the great J

Disclaimer: Pretty much nothing belongs to me… everything except the plot and insanity belong to everyone else… other fanfiction authors and the great J.K Rowling.

Author's Note: I shouldn't have another cliffie… I changed my Pen name about tree thousand times… I was ***Polka dotted Circus Monkey*** but it has changed to * **Lado's Star** * so if anyone has any reviews from that, its me… I would like to thank any one single person that reviewed my story so far… I love you all! KUDOS!!!

Lily was laughing as she walked into the common room, but her laughter abruptly stopped when she walked into the commonroom, because what she saw not a very nice sight. All the Slytherins apart from Snape, were standing there in their commonroom. 

__

Man does it smell like a crap basket in here! Lily thought. The funny thing was that James voiced what she had just thought. "Man does it smell like a crap basket in here" Lily burst in to giggles when she heard what Malfoy had said.

"So what's so funny mudblood?

"Nothing, just that you guys seem to not know where the showers are in this castle. Know hard feelings though, from us that you don't know where the showers are, since you don't, you know shower. We understand completely don't we guys." No reply came to Lily because after she had been done saying all of that James, Sirius, Remus and "Darkwing" were all laughing hysterically, rolling around the floor gasping for breathe between rolls of laughter. 

Lily walked up to her dormitory, grabbed all of her books for the morning and then came back down to the common room. James and Sirius had gotten into a fight with Malfoy and Snape so everyone was to busy to notice her. So she went up to the boys dormitory, looked through James trunk, got his invisibility cloak and all of the guy's books, through the cloak over her and went down into the common room. She snuck stealthily between the slytherins until she was right behind Snape and Malfoy, and (A/N: this is the part you were all waiting for… not really because no one knew it was coming, not even me… in fact I still don't know what's coming!!!) smacked Malfoy and Snape on the back of their heads with her potions book. Now obviously they were knocked unconscious by the blow dealt to their heads, but know one could figure out why. To very healthy, maybe not to hygenial (is that a word??), but healthy, do not just fall unconscious by nothing.

Everyone looked around for the person who committed the crime and in the midst of the confusion Lily pulled Remus, James, Sirius, and Darkwing out of the common room. She gave the guys their books, (Darkwing already had hers) and they head for the dungeons. When they thought they were far enough from the Gryffindor tower, Remus asked a very good question. "How did they find out the password to get into the commonroom?" Everyone had suggestions.

"Maybe they have a spy." Sirius said very enthusiastically.

"Yeah Sirius," James began sarcastically, "who are they going to get to do that?"

"Peter Pettigrew?" Sirius asked in an innocent voice. Everyone laughed at that one. Peter Pettigrew, the scared little fat Gryffindor boy who followed every single popular person around, he couldn't be a spy for the Slytherins. But they had no idea how right Sirius was. 

A/N: Okay, I know that section wasn't as good as the last one… I expect to have 24 reviews for this story when this chapter is put out. Since I have 16 for 2 chapters and that would be 8 per chapter or something… Thanks to every single person who reviewed my story so far. I hope to have at least over 10 chapters when I am completely done… I suppose I should try and write another chapter for my other story **The marauder's and the exploding flying fish of Doom** … Maybe you guys could go read that story as well… writer puts on her big puppy dog eyes well thanks again!! Read and Review!!!


	4. A tad bit of snogging

A/N: Wow two chapters in one day… I am definitely on a roll

A/N: Wow two chapters in one day… I am definitely on a roll!!! Woo Hoo!!! I'll try to write as much as I can before I leave on Sunday… I am going to camp and then Florida and I won't be back until the 9th of July… L I will prolly come up with weird and different ideas. I should probably change this story's genre to humor/romance since there is much more humor than romance and stuff in it!! Like I always say, Read and Review please!!! Maybe one day I'll have over a hundred reviews on my story. If that ever happened I would die with Happiness!! For all of those peeps that read my stories but don't review, well poop on you!

ANYWAY….

Disclaimer: I do not ow any of the characters except Darkwing Duck, whose name I really don't own either. James, Lily, Sirius (the damn hottie), Remus, Snape, the ugly git, Malfoy and others, they belong to the wonderful J.K.Rowling or Warner Bros. Which ever side you are on. ANYWAY…on with the story…

Slytherin's Crap Monsters

Chapter 4

The Marauders and Darkwing were almost to the Potion's dungeon when out of the blue James said, "Lily, can I talk to you?" Sirius made a loud 'ooooo' and some kissing noises, but didn't say anything. Lily looked up at James, his black messy hair all over the place as normal, the deep blue eyes that seemed to go on for ages and said, "Sure James." She gave him a quizzical look, but aloud herself to be steered into the next room.

When in the room Lily realized James looked a bit uncomfortable, even under the dim light of the dungeon room, she could tell. James opened and closed his mouth like he was about to say something, but that something wasn't coming out. He moved closer to her and said, "Lily, I, I…" but nothing else came out and before Lily could realize it James lips were on top of hers. Lily was shocked at first, but then she realized how much she had always wanted to kiss James, he was an awful good kisser too. His kisses were sweet like candy. He broke away from her. Lily just stood there in a daze.

James smiled to himself, it felt so good to get that off his shoulders. "Let's get to class then shall we?" He felt Lily slip her hand into his and he kissed her on the cheek. "Come along Lady Lily before Sirius can make up some rumors of what we have been doing here. " But as he was leading her out of the door way, she stopped moving and pulled him back ad kissed him again.

"So? Why don't we let him?" Then she kissed him deeply. When she broke away and sat up James grabbed her and pulled her back into another kiss. This kiss, Lily thought, is way better than the first two. In a sense it was different considering the fact that James tongue was exploring her mouth as was hers his. She finally pulled out and said," James, I would love to do this all day, but I think our teachers might miss us, well at least all of them but Potanian." James nodded his head in agreement and walked out with Lily, hand in hand. (A/N: I think I am done writing mushy stuff, back to the humor!) 

When they got to the potion's classroom they were able to slip in unnoticed because, by the looks of it Wormy had blown up his cauldron ad the shrinking potion inside of it, right when the professor was checking it. So next to the explosion site sat a baby Wormtail, and a baby Professor Potanian. Next to that there was about a seven year old Sirius! Gosh, Lily thought to herself, he actually looked innocent back then! Lily turned to James and exclaimed, "Maybe we should go get Dumbledore." James nodded his head in agreement, ad whisked Lily back up the way they had came.

"When they got to Dumbledore's office they told him the story and then Dumbledore asked in amusement "Now why weren't you splashed? I know you and Sirius always sit next to each other in class." James and Lily looked at each other.

"I forgot my book for potions so James came back to the dormitories with me to get it." Lily lied, she did not want to tell Dumbledore the reason they were late for class was because she was snogging with James. Although now that she thought about it, it would be funny to see the old man's expression when she told him that. 

About a week passed since the day that all happened. Sirius was back to his normal self, which was a good thing. Wormy was back to his normal self, which was a bad thing. James and Lily didn't tell anyone about what they had done in that classroom, although Sirius started some interesting rumors about it. Many angry and jealous girls came up to Lily trying to see why James had chosen her, and when someone would try to hex her, James would come up from behind and ask if there was anything wrong, kiss Lily on the head and then they would walk away to go plan there next adventure.

A/N: Ok, I know that chapter was extremely short, but I had to get the lovey Dovey crap out of the way. No story or movie is complete with out violence and swans!! I had to run two miles in the rain today so if anyone thinks I am being grumpy or anything dumb I my stories, its just the way I am!! My dumb N key won't work write so I keep having to go back and put N's in my words… its dumb!!! Please Review at the bottom. More points for those who review more than once!!!


	5. Little miss snapia pie

Authors Note: Hey there everybody. I feel so good to be writing again. Fanfiction was down for so fricking long and it drove me utterly insane and through a window and a half!! Wootishness...Harry Potter comes out in 4 more days!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!! I'll have to go see it!! And now without further ado. My next chapter of Slytherin's Crap monsters.  
  
Disclaimer: you know, the usual.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
The day after Lily and James decided to go out, now the girls were all over Lily getting James, the lads were all mad at James for going out with Lily. Especially one with gross greasy hair, a crooked nose and a gross odor around him. Severus Snape. He liked that Lily Evans, and as most gross people without any friends do, he decided to be even grosser and not take even more showers. (thats taking less showers.) After the grossness had become to much for everyone to handle. Lily had snuck into Snapes dormitories (which smelled worse then rotting meat.) along with Remus (Sirius and James had detention) and sprayed body spray all over there room. First they enchanted Snape so he would not wake up, then they poured water on him and soap and scrubbed him down. Even though it was gross to watch this, Lily and Remus never did a thing. It was good that they were so good at charms. When they were done they put semi permanent makeup on him, so it wouldn't come off for a week and tied his hair up in a pretty pink bow, that would not come out of his hair for a week. Then they made all of his robes pink to match his bow and wrote Snapialinda on it. They also enchanted this so it would not change for a week. When they left the dormitories under James' cloak they could smell the perfume coming from Snape's dorm all the way into the hallway off of the commonroom.When Snape woke up the next morning and looked in the mirror, you could here him scream all the way to the North tower. Which Professor Trelawny complained about, because it disrupted her inner eye while she was crystal gazing. The great hall was filled with laughter as Snape came into it. Seeing that he did not own any other robes and no one would share robes with him, he had to wear the bright pink Snapialinda robes along with all of his make up and pink hair bow. "He actually looks better as a girl, good job Lily!" Remus cleared his throat. "Oh Yeah and Remus." said James. Lily had to admit, she had done a great job. Snape had never, she bet in her, er, his life been cleaner. Lily laughed to herself but stopped as the dreaded potions teacher stood over her. "Do you think that is funny miss Evans? Did you have anything to do with the beautifying of Mr. Snape?" "Oh no ma'am." Lily said trying not to laugh. "I didn't do anything at all. In fact I was thinking about how Snape would be the prettiest girl in hogwarts if he had a sex change." Everyone at the Gryffindor table laughed. Someone under their breath whispered, the prettiest my ass. Lily started to laugh. The professor gave her an evil look and then left. Lily looking quite relieved got up and left for her first class. 


End file.
